How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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