There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
