he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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