You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
