I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You need Xanax blowdarts
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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