I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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