I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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