the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
How does one acquire holy water?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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