My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
