just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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