porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
