no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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