I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
