If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
