Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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