at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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