If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
