He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
