It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
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Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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