Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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