the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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