D3 body, D1 cock
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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