pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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