Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
