I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
