I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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