I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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