imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
organizing the empties. That sober.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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