One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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