just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
