She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
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DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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