do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
