I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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