you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
