thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
