That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
