Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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