Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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