? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
