Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize