can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he thought i was a dude.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
