I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
