my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
