you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
