just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
