At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
