Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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