I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
