so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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