I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I need a burrito and a hug.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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