in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
