I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
