I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Holy sore nipples Batman
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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