Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
