She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
