meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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