I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
