she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
