so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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