I met the friendliest cop last night
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize