Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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