omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
