then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
