Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
