Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
