Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I met the friendliest cop last night
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
