Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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