I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
